This is the story of the
Bachelor and The Bobby Soxer, Colin and ZoŽ. Once Upon A Time, Colin was engaged to a
Blonde Venus named Sylvia Scarlett. But she was his fiancťe In Name Only. She was Born To
Be Bad and She Done Him Wrong. She got up to some Monkey Business with Suzy, The Bishop's
Wife, who everyone thought was above Suspicion. The Awful Truth was that they were running
a Gambling Ship and stealing from people using the pseudonyms The Eagle and The Hawk.
Colin warned them that the police were out To Catch a Thief but Sylvia and Suzy wanted
That Touch of Mink and felt that The Grass Is Greener for the rich and famous.
Colin insisted that the Ladies
Should Listen. He tried to
dissuade them from their wicked ways and said they would be damned if they carried on but
they just laughed and said "Merrily We Go To Hell". However, a Crisis
occurred when Sylvia and Suzy were Indiscreet and murdered Mr. Lucky with some Arsenic and Old
Lace, which they used to strangle him when the arsenic didn't work fast enough.
Of course, People Will Talk and they became Notorious - in fact,
they were The Talk of The Town in Philadelphia where they lived. Sylvia and Suzy were
arrested one night in the Gunga Din Indian restaurant. As they tried to escape, a
policeman called out "Walk, Don't Run". Sylvia slowed down but Suzy ran and was
shot as she made her getaway. Of course, the case went to court and Sylvia was the Woman
Accused in what became known as the 'Sinners in The Sun' Case. Colin was called as a
witness and he was caught between The Devil and The Deep blue sea - if he lied in court he
would be going against his better nature, if he told the truth he would lose Sylvia. But,
in this battle between The Pride and The Passion, his pride won the day. Sylvia was sent
on a long Holiday to the state penitentiary.
Colin was devastated. Night and Day he paced the floor. He had no
thoughts in his head, None But The Lonely Heart he had to bear. Eventually he decided to
get as far away as possible and applied to join the Foreign Legion at The Last Outpost
they held. His plane left at midnight one Hot Saturday. As a plane enthusiast, he was
hoping to see the markings on the plane but he couldn't see the Wings In The Dark. The
plane took off in a North By Northwest direction - Destination Tokyo. The plane was busy
but it wasn't full - there was Room For One More. To cut a long story short, Colin thought
he was going to have an Amazing Adventure, but it turned out to be a Charade and he
Despite his bad experience, Colin hadn't given up on love and was
constantly fantasizing about his Dream Wife. One evening, at a fancy dress party, he
became aware of a pair of Big Brown Eyes watching him. It was our ZoŽ, dressed as Alice In
Wonderland. "This Is The Night", he said to himself. Since he had tickets for a
concert on Friday evening he decided to go over and ask her to be His Girl, Friday.
After a few dates, Colin told
ZoŽ the whole sorry Philadelphia
Story. On hearing the tale ZoŽ said "Well, I'm No Angel, but I would never treat you
like that". This was the start of An Affair To Remember - when they argued they were
always quick to Kiss And Make Up.
ZoŽ felt that When You're In Love Every Girl Should Be Married.
One night Colin stood under ZoŽ's window and, in a Penny Serenade, asked her to marry him.
As a Wedding Present he bought her a Father Goose as they wanted to start a farm when they
were married. They discussed where to live and decided that once Mr Blandings Builds His
Dream House, they would live in his old one. Until then, they would live on a Houseboat.
ZoŽ decided to get her wedding dress from Madame Butterfly's
Wedding Emporium. Enter Madame with a huge frothy dress covered in pearls. "My",
said ZoŽ, "I would feel like a princess dressed in that - I would want to wear it for
a month. I could be a Thirty Day Princess. The dress was so full that it had to have 25
petticoats to hold it out. On the wedding day, everyone had to help out in Operation
Petticoat. Colin, in his kilt and his Topper, thought that ZoŽ looked like an angel. But
since Only Angels Have Wings, he knew she must be human. They held their wedding in
Manhattan and invited everyone, including the Howards of Virginia. Their wedding was
talked about for weeks afterwards and they were the Toast Of New York. At the wedding
reception ZoŽ asked Colin to uphold an old family tradition and kiss her feet. Colin
replied "Well, darling, you are My Favorite Wife and all that but I really don't
like feet, I wonder if someone else could Kiss Them For Me.
Nine months later they were Bringing Up Baby and
they agreed that they should have taken more care Once Upon A Honeymoon. They lived
happily ever after and ZoŽ encouraged Colin to join her Cary Grant mailing list. He did
for a while and told people "I Was A Male Warbride".