Shot two: Gary Cooper as Tex Arkana, the owner of a Dude ranch near Cody, Wyoming, is sitting in his frontier-style kitchen watching the sun rise. His cook, Ella, (played by May Robson) a woman of considerable years and girth, hands him a steaming cup of fresh coffee off the hearth. He smiles as he sips and peruses the latest issue of Animal Husbandry Monthly. He turns the magazine sideways and a centerfold drops down, which the audience doesn’t see, but according to Tex’s facial expression must be quite interesting.

Shot three: Preston running after a subway train.

Shot four: Tex running after a steer who’s escaped from the corral.

Shot five: Preston jostled with commuters crowded on a subway train as he distractedly reads his daughter’s book report on The Life and Times of Buffalo Bill Cody.

Shot six: Tex jostled in the corral of large docile cows as he distractedly feeds vitamin drops to a calf.

Shot seven: Preston arrives at the office fifteen minutes late. His secretary hands him his agenda as he rushes to his desk, under the glaring eye of his boss, Mr. Twitterman, (played by Roland Young) who is angrily gesticulating at the clock.

Shot eight: Tex ropes a calf in the meadow, under the glaring eye of an angry bull about to charge.

Scene one: The Manhattan Advertising Agency of Twitterman and Bitterman. Preston is seen through the open door of his office, pacing and talking into a tape recorder. "The jingle for the jam should go something like, (singing) Johnson’s Jam is a joy for every girl and boy/ put it on your toast/ it really is the most/ something something, something, Johnson’s Jam…"

Secretary: (answering the phone) No, I’m sorry, Mr. Suits is in a er…meeting right now. He can’t sing, I mean he can’t be disturbed. May I ask who’s calling? Oh hello, Mrs. Suits. I didn’t recognize your voice. Oh I see, you’ve got a comb in your mouth, well that makes sense. Oh, yes, I’ll put you through right away. (Into intercom) Mrs. Suits on line one, sir.

Preston: (into tape recorder) Hello darling, how are you? (Switching to phone) Hello, Darling, how are you? No, I was just working on that Jam Jingle. Not Jetson’s, Johnson’s. Well what’s the trouble? Lucy’s what? Well I don’t know, don’t you use peanut butter or something to get out those kind of jams? Jam? No not jam, decidedly not jam, dear. Not even I would recommend putting Johnson’s Jam in Lucy’s hair. Why not just take her to the hair dressers? Well she’s quite late enough for school already. I’ve got it. Olive oil. Yes, I know she’s not a salad, Chanel darling, but that might work.

(Intercom buzzes)

One moment darling, I’ve got another call. (He cups the receiver and hollers) Agnes, put Mrs. Suits on hold, please, and patch through that other call. Hello, Mr. Johnson, I was just finishing that jingle. Oh yes sir, would you like to hear it? I’ve got it on the tape recorder. One moment while I get it set up, sir. (cupping the receiver again) Agnes, put Mr. Johnson on hold please! Oh darling, you’re still on the line. I see. Oh dear. (He is talking with the phone under his chin, while fumbling with the tape recorder. He hits "record" instead of "rewind.") No dear Olive OIL, olive OIL not olive brine. Darling I simply have to go. Okay, I will, I will. Goodbye. (He hangs up the receiver.) Agnes, patch through Mr. Johnson! Hello Mr. Johnson. Sorry about the wait, ah technical difficulties you know. Alright, here goes, (he holds the receiver up to the tape recorder and hits "play)

Preston’s voice on recorder: OLIVE OIL, OLIVE OIL not Olive Brine. Darling, I simply have to go. Okay, I will, I will—(Preston cuts it off)

Secretary: (quietly into the phone) Midtown travel agency? Yes, this is Mr. Suits’ office calling. Will you send over those brochures, right away. I think it’s time Mr. Suits planned his vacation.

'Johnson's Jams a joy for every girl and boy / put it on your toast / it really is the most / Its a tasty treat the whole family will eat - Johnson's Jam!'

He waves his hands in the air and looks dead pleased with himself as he addresses the geranium: Well?? (no reaction from the plant) Aw c'mon, I'm trying! Have you got any better ideas? (the plant's leaves flutter in the breeze from the open window).

Secretary: (humoring him) Has the plant got any ideas?

Preston: (coughing) I was just... You know...batting a few ideas around.

Secretary: (Dumping her burden on his desk) Perhaps these will help take your mind off it for a while, you're just trying too hard.

Preston: (looking interested, lifts the top copy) What are they?

Secretary: Have a look...(and she leaves the office hurriedly, giving the geranium a worried glance).

__________________

The picture becomes full screen and the rancher transforms into Tex dozing on his front porch. In the distance hoof beats approach and as they grow louder a horse and rider come into view. The two come to a screeching halt in front of Tex's porch and as he rises from his slumber the rider throws himself from the horses back and bounds up the steps. It is Yancey (played by Richard Dix) who hands Tex some papers and the two of them go inside.

__________________

Sometime later Tex sits at a rough wooden table perusing some papers. The camera picks out a property advertisement for a suburban townhouse, the image of the Suit's home.

__________________

Preston sits in a large leather chair, leaning on his desk and looking down at something, out of shot, sitting on the table in front of him. His brow is furrowed and his head rests on his hand. As the camera pans out, we see a small prickly cactus placed in the middle of his desk.

Preston: Now, you see, its like this dear... You know how we've always talked about a holiday out West?...Well (he gulps), we are going to have that holiday! Not just two weeks of sightseeing and country hospitality either, but...(he stops and clicks his fingers in frustration) No, no, that's not right. I have to break it to her gently. (He waves his finger at the cactus) You're not being much help either! (Then he yelps in pain as he prods the cactus and gets a needle embedded in his finger.)

Chanel: (appearing at the door in response to his yell) What is it dear?

Preston: (with his finger in his mouth) Come in, sit down my sweet.

Chanel: (pulling at his arm in concern) What is it? What did you do?

Preston: (Pawing her hands away and pushing her down into a chair, perches on the corner of his desk) Now dear, I want you to listen to what I have to tell you. Don't interrupt! Just listen, and listen to it all.

Chanel: (makes herself comfortable) Yes dear, go on

Chanel: (stops him dead) YOU WHAT!

Preston: Now dear, listen.

Chanel: You sold our home from under us!? Preston, what are you thinking about?

Preston grasps her by the shoulders and places her firmly back in the chair. He puts his finger to his lips and she is silent: I have sorted everything, don't worry, I have bought a nice big ranch with livestock and everything. No more sitting in that rotten office singing silly jingles and driving myself nuts trying to sell all that rubbish. (His eyes take on that rose tinted dreamy look again) Just miles and miles of wholesome country air, no traffic, no fumes, and no Johnson's Jam!

Chanel: (In exasperation) Preston!

She stands, glares at her husband, and exits the room slamming the door behind her.

Chanel: I can’t believe it, he just upped and sold the house, not a word to me or Lucinda, he just. he just... (She stops absolutely speechless and shakes her hands in the air.) AND BOUGHT A RANCH.

Suits: Now calm down Chanel. Did he give you any more details? Price? Location? Anything?

Chanel: (taking no notice of Suits) With livestock in the middle of nowhere... Ohhhh! (She stops and looks at Suits as if noticing him for the first time.) I’m sorry Suits, I just had to get that out of my system. Thanks for listening.

Suits: You’re welcome. Chanel darling, everything will be just fine, you leave it to me. I’ll talk to Preston and see if I can knock some sense into him. It might not be too late after all.

Chanel: Oh, you are a sweetie (She gives him a quick peck on the cheek as she leaves his office.)

Suits: (With an odd look in his eye and the trace of a crooked smile on his lips.) Hmmm..... maybe now is my chance. (He picks up the telephone and dials a number.) Hello. Hello, Mack? Yewell..

Mack: Fine thanks, now who is this?

Suits: I said, ‘Yewell,’ NOT, You Well!

Mack: FINE. Look who is this ?

Suits: Yewell, SUITS! Yewell! (A note of frustration creeps into his voice.)

Mack: Well why didn’t you say so! How are you Case (He uses Suits’ college nickname.) What can I do for you?

Suits: Well, I have a small proposition for you. Here’s how it goes.

********

The picture fades and the action switches to the Suits Family’s (soon to be Ex) home. Preston is talking excitedly to Lucinda and Chanel, who are remaining silent, mainly because they cannot get a word in edgeways. Chanel has a look that could turn the sun to ice and Lucinda has got a stubborn I-will-not-go look on her face.

Preston: ..It’ll be great! All those wide open spaces, fresh air, just what we’ve always longed for. Just Imagine, Chanel, you can have horses, and sleep under the stars, and have campfires and, and ... and ... (His face has that dreamy look with a wide smile from ear to ear.)

Chanel interrupts: Preston, have you considered Lucy’s schooling and all the inconveniences. You haven’t even told us exactly where this ranch is?

Preston: Ahhh ... Ummm ... Errr ... (He is at a momentary loss for words, then he recovers and adds in a bright tone.) That isn’t important right now. We have to get packing! We have to be out of here by the end of next week.